Does shame have a place...?

In our current Bible class at Church, the teacher has been covering the theme “Encounters with Jesus”.  Recently, the teacher led us to the story in John chapters 18 and 21 where Peter denied Jesus and then Peter’s reinstatement after the resurrection. 

During the discussion, the teacher spent some time defining the difference between guilt and shame.  I believe it is a safe assumption that Peter experienced both.  Here are the working definitions of each:

Guilt – This is something I have done.  The message I hear is, “I’ve done something bad.”

Shame – This is something about me.  The message I hear is, “I am bad.”

Guilt is important to help us to grow and move toward re-establishing integrity and righteous living.  This re-establishment is based on what we have done.  Shame on the other hand, many times, drives us to re-live our sin.  We begin to take on a negative message about ourselves instead of living in our God-given giftedness.  When I stay in a place of shame, I do not believe I have value.  I do not believe I am redeemed.  It affects my relationship with God and others.  For the most part, shame can be damaging.

I was having a recent conversation with a friend I was mentoring.  The subject of “Does shame have a place?” came up.  It must have some place in our restoration…I could sense that in my soul.  However, I could not get past the damage that shame has caused in my life and in the lives of some many others I have coached, mentored, and ministered.  Yet, I know it has a place. Where is this place?  How does shame produce goodness? 

During this Bible class, my eyes were opened to Peter and his guilt and shame.  Should Peter have felt guilt for his choice to deny Jesus three times?  Yes.  Should Peter have felt shame for whom he was in that moment?  Yes.  Guilt pointed to what Peter had chosen to do in that moment.  Shame exposed a part of Peter’s character that needed an adjustment and healing from Jesus.  The mistake many of us make is not bringing our shame to Jesus so that we can recognize possible “problems” in our character that need addressing.  Furthermore, when we do not bring our shame to Jesus, then we cannot receive healing for our heart, soul, and character.

Let us look at what happened with Peter:

·         Peter denies Jesus three times.  Guilt exposes what he has done.  We assume shame exposes something in Peter’s character.  Peter weeps bitterly (Matthew 26:75).  Peter is at a crossroads, he could allow shame to deceive him into believing he cannot be redeemed.

·         Peter returns to what he knows.  Peter met Jesus while fishing.  He goes back to fishing.  He goes back to something familiar.  Moreover, possibly, like Jacob, returns to a place where he encountered God through Jesus (Jacob set up altars and pillars to represent his encounters with God and revisited them.  Other Old Testament characters have similar experiences).

·         Jesus meets Peter in that place.  Jesus speaks truth into Peter about his true character.  Jesus re-instates Peter. 

·         Peter goes on to be a great leader.  Filled with the Holy Spirit and armed with his gift of passion, Peter establishes the Church.

I would love to say that is how I handle shame in my life.  Unfortunately, I typically allow my shame to get the best of me.  I begin to believe that my character is flawed rather than believe the truth about how God has gifted me.  However, Peter gives me a great example of how to handle shame.  His story gives me hope in the midst of my failings.  Using Peter’s example, here is a great way for me to approach my shame:

First – Shame can be useful to expose areas of my character that may need work. It can show me where I am moving away from who I truly am.  I can choose to believe I am flawed, or use it to begin deeper growth work toward moving to be God’s man.

Second – I can do something about what shame has exposed.  The other choice is to stay stuck.  It is time to take action that is different from how I have handled shame in the past.  It is time to choose truth.

Third – I need to go back to what I know.  I need to go back to where I encountered Jesus.  Going back to something I am familiar with and capable of accomplishing will put me in a place to invite Jesus in to help.

Fourth – I pay attention and listen for Jesus.  I allow him to show me the truth about my character.  I begin to allow his healing touch to help me move forward with what He has planned for me. 

Shame and the messages associated with it is very powerful.  However, with practice and intentionality, shame is useful to expose and motivate.  The key, like peter’s story is the pointing to Jesus.  Peter was so excited to see Jesus that he jumped out of the boat and swam ashore to be with him.  When I am burdened by the messages of shame that I am “bad”, it is an indicator that I need to go to Jesus and hear truth.

How have you let shame burden you?  Where do you need to go to encounter Jesus?  Make a commitment to spend time with him in a familiar place.  When you do, listen for His truth and healing voice. 

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